I was brought to the Land of The Dead by the Lord of Thin

When I was a young woman I was brought to the Land of the Dead by the Lord of Thin. He offered me the seed:

“Only if you are Thin will you be Beautiful.

                      If you are Thin and Beautiful you will be loved.”

I swallowed it; I did not see other food to eat.

The seed sat in my belly: a hard heavy cold thing, a dead weight.

As I grew older I learned to water it. First I watered it with rage. Rage that the only image of beauty offered was Barbie. She was beautiful. I was not. This was the first flowering: a vibrant orange flower with red flames on its long spiky petals.

Later I learned to water the seed with sorrow and forgiveness. Sorrow for all the years lost to regret and despair. Forgiveness for all the parts of myself I threw away over the years, rejected because they weren’t perfect enough. This was the second flowering: a green and blue water plant.

Now I water the seed with a prayer: I love my body. This is the third flowering: a maple tree as old as my grandmothers (they would be over one hundred years). Like them the trunk is thick and strong, the roots go deep, and the canopy is wide and shady.

When I was a young woman I was brought to the Land of the Dead by the Lord of Thin.

I am a woman who can see in the dark

I am Persephone. I ate a pomegranate seed.
Some people say six; some say eight.
No matter. At least one. One is enough.

One is enough to throw you out, send you down, hang you up.
One is enough to wake you up.

I was abducted by Hades. They say it was an awful thing.
It was necessary to remove me from the tribe. I would not have been able to do it myself.
It is hard to see the trap when you are inside it.

I am also Inanna. An older story. I went down to the underworld to meet the Dark Sister.
To be hung on the meat hook; to suffer, change and return.
They say it was an awful thing. But it was necessary to transform.

Inanna goes down of her own choice. Persephone is dragged.

Long ago I  was dragged down but I am no longer a victim.
I am a woman who can see in the dark.

When I Say Yes

Once upon a time and just a few days ago, I came to the underworld. I said “No” to everything. I spun resistance around me like a chrysalis to protect myself. Inside my cocoon of No I hung on a branch of a tree grown from a pomegranate seed.

Down below on the floor of the underworld were all the parts of myself I had thrown away over the years, rejected because they weren’t perfect enough. They looked up at me and I looked down at them; we all suffered.

One day we reached critical mass, my rejected parts and me, all that suffering compressed down so far it had to expand. A chemical reaction occurred and a small goddess of compassion was born.

Like a loving mother, the small goddess of compassion said, Yes – when you are frightened I will be with you. Yes – when you are hurt I will comfort you.

The chrysalis began to soften

& uncurl

& brighten

and transform into  The Wings

                                   of a

                                Butterfly.

 

When I say yes, the transformation begins.